I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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