dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
