i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I love having hate sex.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize