Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
