Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
