Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
