got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
