If i come over, it means nothing
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
