After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
