i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
