Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
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