When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
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