i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
my liver is dry heaving
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
