remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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