he wants to bone in the snuggie
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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