what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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