I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Can vaginas get frostbite?
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Randomize
