Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Randomize
