Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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