I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
