So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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