i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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