Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
