Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
