the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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