my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
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