if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
