you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
