how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I want you more than these girls want KFC
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
