I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I have surprise drugs for everyone
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
