I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
