He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
