Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
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