What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
