I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
He better not be in your backpack
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
