help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize
