I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
