Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
