my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
