My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Alive.
So much puke
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
