Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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