Can i not drive my cunt home
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
