found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
