my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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