Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
