We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
