Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
