I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
