I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
