you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
