I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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