I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
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