She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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