not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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