The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
