at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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