Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
