Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
