she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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