Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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