someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
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