The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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