You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
