The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I didn't notice because vodka
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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