allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
