The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
