Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
