**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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