You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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