Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
this boner is exhausting
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
