Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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